


Strawberry Boy

by Prxnce_Kxsses



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: I feel so bad for matt fuck, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, throwing up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prxnce_Kxsses/pseuds/Prxnce_Kxsses
Summary: this story is real sad lmaoit'll be a multichapter fic





	1. Chapter 1

The contents of the strawberry blondes stomach spilled out into the toilet. He caught his breath in the short pause in between gagging, and the process repeated again until there was nothing left in his stomach to throw up. Eventually, Matt's gagging eased up. He moved away from the toilet and slumped against the wall, taking in deep breaths. He waited for the nausea to subside and shut his eyes. It was over for now. He'd have to do it again, but that was okay. It was necessary. He deserved it anyway.

His stomach settled soon enough and he stood up slowly, going over to the mirror. He stared at himself for a moment, feeling immediately disgusted. He had bags under his eyes and chapped lips. Not eating much was really beginning to show, especially in his weight. It didn't matter, the appearance of his face. He could hide that with the usual makeup he wore. His weight didn't matter either. Matt had always had a slim figure, so it really wouldn't be that noticeable. Matt picked up a makeup brush and began applying makeup to his face. He covered up the bags under his eyes and made his face look brighter, happier. He needed it that way for his friends. He didn't want them to know about his struggles at all. He faked a lot of his happiness, and now he was in too deep. If he showed how sad he really was, it would make everyone think differently about him. He didn't want that. He didn't want to be a burden to them.

As he finished his makeup, he forced a smile at himself in the mirror. It was time to put the mask back on. He quickly went and flushed away the bile left in the toilet and sucked in a deep breath. He left the bathroom and made his way to the living room. 

Tom was sprawled across the couch, watching tv. Edd and Tord were both finishing up their breakfast on their second couch, which was vertical to the first one. Edd looked up at Matt and was the first one to say anything.  
"Oh! Hey, Matt!"

Matt smiled at Edd.  
"Hi!"

"You look nice," Tord complemented him.

Matt turned to look at the Norwegian and grinned wider.  
"Haha, I know!"

If Tom could roll his eyes, he would be right now. He sighed and sat up a little so that Matt could sit down next to him.   
"Honestly, you guys feed his ego too much." He stated bluntly, not even turning to look at Matt.

Matt's smile wavered just a little, but it wasn't exactly noticeable. Tom was always very dismissive of Matt and didn't seem to care for him at all. Of course, Tom did care about him, but Matt didn't know that. He just thought that Tom hated him.   
Matt sat down on the couch next to Tom and folded his hands on his lap. He watched the TV for a moment before glancing at the other three.  
"Um, are we doing anything today?" He asked, swinging his legs a little.

"Oh, Tom was gonna go shopping.." Edd said thoughtfully and then shrugged. "I don't know if we have anything else planned though."

"Can I go shopping with Tom?" Matt asked without thinking. Immediately, he wished he hadn't asked, but it was already too late to take it back.

Tom glanced over at Matt now and shrugged lazily.   
"Sure, I don't care."

"Um, okay..!" Matt smiled nervously at the black eyes boy and stood up. "I'll go get dressed then!!"

"Alright. I will too." Tom replied, yawning afterward.

Matt made his way to his bedroom and shut the door so he could change. He wanted to go out because sitting around, doing nothing made him feel antsy.  
Matt took a deep breath.   
Today was going to be a good day.    
It was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yikes

Matt slipped his pajama pants off first, then his shirt. Matt made his way quickly over to his dresser and put on clothes, his usual blue jeans and black shirt reading 'I <3 M@'. Over that, he slipped on his lavender purple hoodie and smiled. He was about ready to go out. All he needed on now was his socks and shoes, which he got on quickly after that. He opened the door and walked out to the living room where Tom was also clothed and ready to go out.

Tom looked up from his phone when he noticed Matt had come out. He offered the smallest smile.  
"Hey. You ready to go?" He asked, switching his phone off and shoving it in his hoodie pocket. Matt's heart squeezed when Tom smiled at him. It felt like a gift. Tom's smile made Matt feel like everything was going to end up being okay. Matt would have gotten lost in that smile if it weren't for his memory kicking in, that he needed to actually  _respond_  to Tom's question.   
Matt nodded his head rapidly, smiling back widely.   
"Y-Yeah! I'm ready to go! Yup!" He squeaked, quickly going to Tom's side.  
Tom nodded once and took out the car keys from his pocket.   
"Okay. Let's go then." Tom said simply, going to the front door and opening it, revealing the outside world. He went outside and to the car, Matt following him close behind. Matt got into the passenger's seat, Tom in the drivers. Tom started the car and began to drive to the store. 

\------

"We're here."

Tom's voice snapped Matt out of his trance. The two had driven in silence, mainly since Matt had spaced out. It had started with Matt just thinking about random things in his life, and then he had slipped into a mindless stare out the window, watching the blur of trees and scenery blur into a mix of colors. But now they were here.

Matt blinked a few times, looking over at Tom, processing what he'd said for a moment. He was still trying to grasp onto his surroundings.  
"Oh.. Okay." He nodded once, unbuckling and hopping out of the car. He slowly walked over to Tom, putting his hands in his hoodie pocket. They began to walk up to the stores front doors silently. 

In the store, Matt stayed quiet as they walked around the store, Tom picking out things to buy that they were out of at home. Slowly he began giving Matt occasional worried glances. Matt wasn't really paying attention to anything around him, sort of just taking a back seat to the world for the time being. 

"Matt?"

Matt was snapped out of his trances for the second time. He stopped walking and looked over at Tom.  
"Huh?" 

"Are you.. Okay?" Tom asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.   
This question startled Matt a little. He was fine. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. In reality, he felt empty, both physically and emotionally. He almost felt like he would be better off de-  
"I'm okay," Matt replied, offering a smile. "Why?"

Tom's facial expression relaxed slightly. He shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed. Matt wondered if it was because he was embarrassed about asking if he was okay.  
"Just because you've been really quiet ever since we left the house. I don't know. You usually talk more." He finished, looking at Matt in the eyes.

It was true. Matt did usually talk a lot more. He would talk and talk, even when people weren't listening at all. It was just part of his personality. He couldn't help it.  
"..Oh..! Sorry.. Do you want me to talk? I can talk." Matt said quickly, his eyes wide. "I-I can talk about anything if you want me to!!" 

Tom blinked and shook his head.   
"No, no, I don't care- I mean- Ugh." He frowned and shook his head. "I mean, I don't mind if you talk or not. I'm just worried about you. You're usually more vocal about everything."

"Oh, ahah.. Sorry." Matt replied, shrugging after he said that. "I'm okay! Just feeling a little spacey!! I didn't sleep very well last night, eheh.."

Tom rolled his eyes and started walking down the aisle again.  
"I don't think you ever sleep very well. You stay up so late." 

"Well- I-.. I  _like_  the night!!" Matt retorted with a pout. 

"Alright, buddy," Tom replied, smirking now. Matt himself even smiled. He wasn't sure if he was the one who made Tom smile, but he felt like he was. It just made him feel good about himself.

\-------

Tom and Matt had bought everything that they put in their cart and were now on their way back to the car. While loading up the car with the newly bought groceries, Tom looked over at Matt once again.

"Hey, you sure you're okay?" Tom asked out of the blue. Matt wasn't doing anything that could have prompted this question, but Matt just assumed that it was out of worry from before. So, Matt smiled at him and nodded.

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm okay." Matt responded, beaming.

"Okay.. Uh, well.." Tom rubbed the back of his neck. "Even though we don't hang out together by ourselves much, I want you to know that you can, like.. Talk to me if you need something. If something's bothering you." He finished.

That coming from Tom made Matt so happy. It made his chest feel warm and happy. Matt nodded at Tom, keeping a smile on his face.  
"Okay, Tom! But I promise, I'm okay!!" He assured him in a bubbly voice.

"Okay."

The two boys got into the car, Tom driving again with Matt in the seat right next to him.  
As Tom drove, Matt stared out the window again, smiling to himself. He was thinking a bit more positively now.  
 _Maybe he could tell Tom everything._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt thinks.

Tom pulled into the driveway of the house and Matt unbuckled. He opened the car door and hopped out, waiting for Tom to also climb out of the vehicle before walking over to the door. Tom opened it for Matt and let him in first, and Matt happily walked inside.

Tom was carrying in the few groceries they bought and sat them on the table. Tom called for Tord to come and deal with putting them away since Tord wasn't the one who had to go get them, and Tord, naturally, wasn't having it. So they began to argue and Edd went to sort it out.

And that meant everyone was busy.

Everyone except Matt.

Matt felt guilty. This wasn't something he should feel bad about. He shouldn't be feeling left out. They were arguing for God's sake! And for some strange reason, Matt felt alone and ignored.   
What he really felt upset about though, was the fact that he hadn't been acknowledged at all. Not even a hello. He felt angry at himself for even thinking that way. They didn't know how he thought and what he felt! He always put it up for display that he was very happy and never had a single bad thought in his life. How were they supposed to know anything?   
He sighed and put the thought in the back of his mind and slowly made his way to the room. He went in and shut the door, taking off his shoes and lazily making his way to his bed.   
 _'Maybe I should stop waiting for **them**  to talk to  **me**  and just.. Talk to them  **myself.** ' _That was the first thought that popped into his head as soon as he plopped down on his bed. He immediately felt nervous at the thought of mentioning to them how he felt, what struggles he went through. But, in the back of his mind, he knew he should. They weren't magically just going to ask him if he was going through something serious. The most they'd ask without any proper reason is if he was okay. Which, admittedly, was a very easy question to lie about. But slowly, after years of hurting his body and self-destruction, he was really beginning to want help. 

He was beginning to become scared of himself.

He decided that he would talk to them then. Not today. Maybe not even this week. But soon. He had to think through what he would say. He didn't know how they'd react, but he really hoped it wouldn't be a horrible scary reaction. He trusted his friends. He trusted that they'd want to help in any way possible if they could. Who knows, maybe he could even get therapy. 

That was a nice thought.

\-------------------------------------------------

"Where's Matt?" Edd asked as he took another bite of his spaghetti. It was dinner time now, and everyone was sitting around the table except Matt.

Tom looked up from his plate and looked directly at Edd.   
"Oh.. He said he didn't feel good," Tom told him simply. "He's trying to sleep now, I think." He finished.

Edd frowned slightly, glancing down at his plate in thought.  
"He said that yesterday, too."

"I know,"

"Do you think he's getting sick or something?"

"I don't know."

"Mm.." Edd sighed lightly, taking another bite. "Well, hopefully he feels better tomorrow. I'm worried about him not eating enough or something, haha..!" 

"Yeah.." Tom replied quietly. He felt a bit worried. He knew Matt was acting all weird and distant all day today. When he had asked Matt if something was up, he was just told no. But what if there  _was_ something wrong?   
It was probably nothing too bad if anything at all. He just had a bad feeling in his gut. 

He ignored his worries for now and continued eating. Matt was probably just sick. That's all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i hope you're enjoying the story man.. its real edgy lol.  
> im sorry this chapter is so short. im probably going to come out with another chapter tomorrow, and if not, very soon. thanks for reading this mess of a story!! ^^'


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER IM SO LAZY OMGSDKJ))  
> ((ILL BE UPDATING THIS MORE FREQUENTLY NOW))

Tom Ridgewell could not sleep, no matter how hard he tried.

Something in the back of his head was bothering him, and he knew exactly what it was. He felt like it was stupid, but he couldn't get it out of his mind: He was worried about Matt.

He knew Matt told him that he was okay, but there had been something off about Matt the entire day. Matt had been spacey, which honestly wasn't something too new, but he'd been more-so today. Something that was new, or at least uncommon, was how quiet he'd been. Usually, he talked a lot. He would talk about things on topic or off topic, he would switch to different subjects all the time, whatever. What was weird today was that he hardly ever spoke unprompted. Even Edd and Tord seemed to notice something was off about Matt's behavior.

This was what was keeping Tom awake, and the more he thought about it, the worse it got. He kept worrying. As he kept thinking, he realized that Matt hadn't eaten anything that day. At all. Aside from being absent from dinner, he realized that he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch. He wasn't sure it was due to something bad or just because of Matt's forgetful nature. Tom hoped it was the latter.

Eventually, he gave up on trying to sleep. It wasn't gonna happen unless he talked with Matt. He got up out of his bed, picking up his bear with him and began to walk out of his room and to Matt's.   
As he stopped in front of Matt's door, he began having second thoughts. What if everything really  _was_  fine? Or what if Matt was sleeping and didn't want to be bothered at all?

 _'Or maybe,'_  thought Tom suddenly. _'Something really is wrong, and he needs someone to talk to.'_

And just like that, Tom found himself bringing his hand to Matt's door and knocking.

After a moment of waiting, the door opened.

"Tom..?"

Apparently, he wasn't asleep.

"Hey.. Uh, do you wanna go for a walk with me..?" Tom asked. "I just can't sleep.. So.. I want to go for a walk. But I don't want to go alone." He explained. Now he just felt slightly embarrassed. It was almost midnight. He doubted Matt would want to come with him.

Matt looked a little puzzled, but he nodded nonetheless.  
"Okay.. Yeah, I can't sleep either.." He replied. "Let me just go get dressed really quickly."

"Alright," Tom replied with a slight nod back, relieved that Matt wanted to go with him. "I'll go do the same. Meet me by the front door when you're done, okay?" Tom instructed him, adding the smallest, gentlest smile afterward.

Matt smiled back.  
"Okay."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom took off his pajama pants and put black jeans on. He didn't change his pajama shirt since it felt unnecessary. Instead, he just put his blue hoodie over his shirt and called it good. He didn't need to look good or anything, as they were just going for a walk. He took a deep breath, feeling a little calmed down by the fact that he would be able to ask Matt again if he was alright. Okay. It was gonna be alright.

And he wouldn't pressure Matt or anything. If Matt didn't want to talk, he'd respect that and let him be. He didn't want Matt to be uncomfortable or anything. He wanted Matt to trust him. He didn't want to scare Matt away from anything. 

Tom finished getting ready and walked out of his room, going over to the front door where he saw Matt waiting. Matt was wearing a relatively casual outfit as well, blue jeans and his purple hoodie.

"You ready?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," Matt replied.

Tom opened the door for Matt, letting him go out first before he followed him out.  
It was cold out,  but it was fine. It felt nice on Tom's face, and he wasn't too cold since he was wearing a hoodie.   
"Um.. Hey, so.. I know I've already asked you this a lot.."

"Hm..?" Matt hummed, looking over at him.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked him. "You can be honest with me.. Uh- but.. If you feel pressured or something, you don't have to tell me. I've just been.." Tom shrugged, feeling embarrassed like before. "I dunno.. I've been really worried about you. You don't seem, like.. Okay." Tom stated. At first, he had been avoiding eye contact. Slowly at the end though, he looked over at Matt, his eyes matching Matt's.

Matt stared back at him for a second. He seemed slightly scared. Of what, Tom didn't know. Quickly, Matt looked back at the ground as they walked.   
Matt was quiet for a moment. He didn't speak. It didn't seem like he was ignoring Tom. It seemed like he was trying to think of a response.  
Slowly, Matt opened his mouth to speak.  
"I-.. I, um.." Matt stammered crossing his arms. "Can we sit down..?" Matt asked. He kept his gaze locked to the floor.

Tom was still looking at him, his heart pounding. He didn't know what he was so nervous about.  
"Yeah, yeah.. Of course.." Tom whispered. He took Matt's hand and led him to a nearby bench. They sat, and Matt still held onto Tom's hand tight. 

Tom didn't mind.

Everything felt quiet. There were no noises to be heard. The air was still and there was a sort of safe aura surrounding the pair. Nobody was awake right now. It was truly peaceful. It felt like nobody in the world existed other than them.

Matt finally spoke up again after was seemed like an excessive amount of gathered up courage.  
"I-.. I really don't think I'm okay.." He whispered to Tom, his voice cracking as if he were close to tears. "I-I feel.. Sad. All the time. I feel like I'm drowning. I never want to eat anything because it makes me feel guilty, and I-I-.." Matt finally broke down. Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed. Instead of holding Tom's hand tight, he went and grabbed onto Tom's hoodie, not really thinking about his actions as he did them.   
"I don't-.. I don't know what to  _do!!_ "

  Tom was a little shocked. He had assumed that something had been going on, but he didn't think it would have been something like this. He was shocked because Matt had always seemed so happy. He had always made it seem like he loved everything about himself. He always made it seem like he had no worries or was oblivious to the fact that there were bad things happening in the world. However, the thing that shocked him the most was that Matt had been feeling so lost and so sad like this and he hadn't told anyone. He wasn't mad that he hadn't said anything, he never would be. Tom related to how Matt felt a lot, and he knew from experience that it was an extremely tough topic. He just couldn't believe that Matt had been suffering like this, and he hadn't even known about it. Tom felt like an awful friend.  
For now, he pushed that thought away. Matt was hurting and he wanted to comfort him immediately.  
"H-Hey.." Tom replied, hugging him gently. He began to rub Matts back in circles, shushing him softly. "It's okay.. Hey.. Take some deep breaths alright..? I'm here for you. You're safe." He whispered. It was sort of weird talking to Matt like this, but something about it all felt right. He really liked holding Matt in his arms like this. He liked being close, and oh God. This was certainly the worst time to feel like this.  "I'm really proud of you for being brave enough to talk to me.. It's-.. It's really hard to talk about things like this. I understand. I haven't had a problem with eating, but I've struggled a lot with depression in my life.."

Matt sniffled once, peeking up at Tom, his face red and his eyes puffy from crying.  
"Y-You have..?" He asked quietly, still clinging to Tom for dear life.

Tom nodded a little.   
"Yeah.. I get how you feel. The world is dumb and emotions are dumb, but.. Uh, you can get through it and shit. And you never have to do it alone.. I-.. I want to help you out. I know what it's like to be struggling and to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to.. And I really don't want you to have to go through that. It's way sucky, and you don't deserve it at all." Tom told him. He felt protective of Matt in a way, now. He wanted to protect Matt and make him feel safe and loved. 

Matt listened to him as he spoke. He hesitated before speaking, seemingly afraid of what the answer to his question might be.  
"Are you-.. Are you really really serious..?" He asked with a cautious tone. "You want to help..?"

Tom didn't miss a beat.  
"Of course I do. I want to help you out." He told him seriously and honestly with a tiny nod. "I can't fix anything, but I can certainly help you on your way to healing and feeling better and more satisfied in your life.." He told him. 

Matt opened his mouth to respond but instead began to sob again. Instead of clinging to Tom's hoodie, he embraced him tightly and hid his face in Tom's chest, heaving in breaths as he cried. He didn't have anything else to do. Tom felt a pang in his heart as he heard his close friend cry like this. He wouldn't have wished this sort of pain on anyone in the world. 

\------------

Slowly, Matt calmed down from his crying. Tom had been there, rubbing his back, hushing him, and occasionally whispering comforting things to him. Matt had begun to tire himself out from the crying and was now completely calmed down, aside from the occasional sniffle and hiccup.

Tom looked down at him as he began to calm down, petting his hair. He offered a small smile.  
"Are you ready to go back home now and get some sleep..? It's really late now, I'd imagine.."

Matt nodded with the smallest sniffle, pulling away from the hug to cross his arms instead.   
"Y-Yeah.. I'm ready to go home now.. Thanks for talking with me a little.. I really needed it." He replied quietly.

"Okay. And hey, no problem. You don't need to thank me.. I care about you a lot, Matt. I'm sorry that I don't show it that often." Tom replied with a little frown. He stood up and held out his hand for Matt to take. Matt hesitantly took it and stood up with him.

"It's okay.. I get it.." Matt said in a low voice, staring down at the ground. "Um.. Hey, Tom..?"

"Hm?"

"Can I, uh.. Maybe sleep with you tonight..? It's-.. It's just like, scary to be alone and stuff.." Matt said quickly.

Tom was a bit surprised at first, but he wasn't weirded out or anything. He sort of liked the idea anyway. He slowly nodded a little bit.  
"Yeah.. You can. I don't mind. I think it'll be nice." He responded, looking over at him, giving him a sweet little smile.

Matt looked up, a small blush present on his cheeks.   
"Y-Yeah.. Okay.. Thank you..!" He squeaked. Instead of the light smiles and frowns he'd been giving all night, he gave a large grin. 

And this time, it was genuine.


End file.
